The countdown begins to my Thirty, Flirty, Thriving era

As my last year of being in my 20s, I find myself surrounded by a mix of excitement, dread and FULL of anxiety. What is it about this milestone that brings up so many emotions? With each passing day, I get closer to the big three-oh shit, and I can’t help but reflect on the goals I'm yet to achieve and the societal expectations I feel, especially regarding becoming an older woman and the dreaded 'time is ticking' comments.

Fuck. I'm 30 next year. I don't know how time has managed to fly by so fast that in just less than 12 months time... I'm going to be a 30 year old woman. I know alot of people say it, but I genuinely do not feel like a grown ass 29 year old adult. Yes, I have a mortgage, a full time job and have to deal with paying tax and all that boring adult bollocks - yet I feel like a rebellious teenager that wants to just run off and not be forced into being a 'proper' adult (whatever that means). So, let's add being a 29 year old woman into the mix, here is when it gets really fucking difficult.

"You're 29 and childless?"

"You're not married yet?"

"You need to hurry up, your body clock is ticking"

Respectfully - FUCK OFF.

While I know these questions can sometimes come from love, they can heighten the pressure I feel. The worst part? Most of the time these comments come from people whom it wouldn't even affect when I get married or if and when I have a child.

I can only speak for myself in my writing but I am pretty sure 9/10 women feel some sort of societal pressure to achieve specific milestones, such as marriage or parenthood, before they turn 30. It feels like there is an unspoken timeline that dictates when you should have your life "together." But who defines what "together" looks like?The notion that I must meet all of society's expectations by this age feels unrealistic and has sometimes blurred the line between anxiety and excitement for new adventures. The question I have is... Why don't men get all the same questions? It always come back down to the times where the only time a woman was respected would be if she was a mother or a wife. "Traditional values", or as I like to call them - misogynistic moron values.

I don't want to cause any offence in this post, it is never my intention. I fully understand and respect that every one of us holds different value of different things. We all have various goals and achievements. Being a mother has never been my number one priority or goal in life. Have I become more excited as I've become older? Of course I have. Do I still want to kick a child across the room when it starts screaming like a maniac? Damn fucking right. 100%, I know I would be a good parent with my Fiance - we've always been the dream team and that would continue into parenthood, without a doubt.

Of course, I am fully aware that from the age of 25, fertility in women can decline. It's not like you telling me is going to make me react with surprise and appreciation "What? Really? I didn't know anything about a woman and what fertility means, thanks so much Gary the pub regular who sits alone and is definitely bad in bed".

This message also goes out to some of my fellow women though unfortunately, I'm going to call you out here.

I have some girls from work who I adore but they make comments which I truly believe are innocent but it can be SO damaging. Imagine just going about your day and out of nowhere being questioned about when you are going to have kids, why you don't have them yet and that time is running out. Now, let's add on top of these already pressuring questions the fact the woman you are asking these questions to has found out they can't have children. That her and her partner suffered a miscarriage last year. That she has a lot of trauma she needs to deal with from childhood before becoming a parent herself. That her and her partner are trying for kids but struggling to conceive. That her and her partner are having marital problems and a child is the last thing she wants to think about.

There are so many reasons no one should be asking such private questions to women as casually as they do. It is nothing to do with anyone but the woman you're asking. I am fully aware that as humans, we all long for connection, but there are ways to go about it. If you are curious about if someone wants children or not, let that be the first thing you ask. Here's how I think a respectful conversation about children should go:

Woman 1: Hey, no worries if you don't want to talk about it but, do you know if you want children?

Woman 2: No it's fine, thanks for asking though. Honestly, I'm not sure - I have alot of reasons why I would or wouldn't want them. I'm scared about the clock ticking though, I just hate feeling pressure.

Woman 1: I think it's so normal to have mixed emotions about wanting children. For some women, it's their only goal in life, for others it's a secondary goal. Please don't put pressure on yourself. We face enough pressures as it is from society without adding more to ourselves.

Woman 2: Thank you so much, that's so reassuring. I'm so used to conversations like this feeling so judgemental or as if I'm trial, if I don't answer correctly. You've made me feel like it's okay to have mixed emotions.

You get the idea...

Now, as scary as it seems to know that I will be turning 30 and not achieved all the things I thought I would have. I'm learning to let go of expectations of myself, life is too unpredictable. I'm trying to relinquish control and instead, enjoying the journey. Sure, I haven't been to America or the Caribbean yet. I haven't done a skydive yet, I haven't become an established paid writer/content creator. But, I'm trying. Who set the timeline for all of these things to be done? Me! Why? I can't just blame society for everything, I have to take some accountability.

As my 30th birthday nears, I choose to see this decade as an exciting new chapter. With my bucket list guiding my adventures and an understanding that motherhood will happen when I'm ready, I feel a sense of freedom. It’s all about prioritizing what truly matters to me and making thoughtful choices to create a fulfilling life. I am already stepping out of my comfort zone, embracing the cringe and just going full throttle at life. I am so happy to be alive, healthy and having the priviledge to grow old is something I am starting to truly treasure. Whenever I feel scared, I think about all those that unfortunately haven't reached their 18th, 21st and their 30th. Life is far too precious and too short to not live everyday grateful and excited for what each day holds.

I want to fill my 30s with meaningful stories rather than simply ticking boxes from society's timeline. This era can be flirty, thriving, and packed with opportunities—as long as I embrace it. Each day presents a chance to step into my power and cherish the experiences that will shape who I am becoming.

All in favour, say hi!