No. Let's normalise this word shall we?
How many times have you been out and a man will ask for your number?
How many times have you worked in a bar/restaurant/club/anywhere and a man will somehow say something inappropriate and make you feel uncomfortable?
How many times have you felt uncomfortable serving someone but didn't want to make a fuss?
And how many times do you find it hard to say no in fear of the situation becoming worse?
To all women and men: let's start normalising saying no, setting boundaries and respecting them.
I could talk forever about this topic...
Why is it still 'weird' to say no and have boundaries in 2025? There are so many different situations I've been in where just saying no is the one and only thing I want to say, but for some reason I always end up being polite about it or feeling the need to over explain my reasonings for wanting to say no. I'm not talking about situations where it's with loved ones and you might not want to go out somewhere, there are situations where the person you're saying no to does deserve abit of an explanation.
Those aren't the situations I'm talking about.
I'm talking about when a guy asks for my number, I politely say 'no thanks', which majority of the time is followed up with him asking 'aww, why? My response in my head is WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU STILL SPEAKING TO ME, I SAID NO. What comes out? I've got a boyfriend, sorry. But I'm not sorry. Of course I'm not sorry. So, why do I say it? Even when I didn't have a boyfriend, I would say I have got one to get male attention away from me.
That is so fucked up.
To get men to stop talking to me, I have to say I'm talking to another man.
I think this must stem from men being stereotypically animalistic, competetive and dominant mammals. Is that my problem though? Is it fuck. So, why do I feel responsible for other men's reactions? The only persons emotions I should be responsible for are mine and mine alone.
It's the fear. The fear of the unknown response. I can gurantee any man reading this (if there are any. Hi. You might learn something/teach your mates) That they will be thinking 'oh god, he's only asking for your number, no need to get arsey about it' or 'I wouldn't do that, I would respect you've said no and move on' or the worst 'stop moaning, it's a compliment', huge eye roll and sigh.
Here is where men still need to learn. Ladies, show your partner, male friends, dad, brother etc this next bit - I'm going in.
ITS. NOT. ABOUT. YOU.
It's not about what you know from right and wrong. It's not about you not being like all men. It's not about our reaction. It's about listening. We don't want to be defensive with men. We don't want to assume the worst. We feel we need to, to keep safe. All our life, we are told to stay safe. We are taught:
Don't walk alone
Always carry your keys in your fist
Don't walk through back alleys
Don't wear this
Don't do that
Just do it, you don't want to upset them
Don't let it bother you, it's only a joke
Don't argue back
Don't be too loud
Just don't. You'll make it worse.
This is just a small list of things we are told our entire life to keep us safe from bad things happening to us. You know what is fucked up though? We can say and do all of the 'right' things and shit still happens. The blame is put on us before anything has even happened too. The fucked up emotions that go through so many women's minds. It's my fault. I shouldn't have... THIS needs to change. I'll probably go further into this in another post but the justice system is so out dated and something needs to change. They need to stop asking the victim questions that are quite frankly, irrelevant.
Yes, I'm talking about harassment, assault, rape, and murder.
Yes, my brain when writing this post has gone from saying no to a guy asking for my number all the way to this fear of being harassed or assaulted, even murdered. What the fuck.
The shitty truth is, this is how women live their lives. Of course, I'm not saying every man we see is going to do something dangerous. But, do I think majority of men don't respect women? Yes I do. Do I feel uncomfortable saying no or telling a group of guys "you're wrong, you can't say that", yes I do. Why? The fear of what the reaction might be.
All I'm trying to say, lads, is when you're in a group especially - tell your dickhead mate to give it a rest with his misogynistic comments rather than joining in and still claiming not to be 'like all men'. Pulling up your male friends' rude and sexist comments does not make you a 'pussy', it makes you a real man in my opinion. 'But it's awkward telling my mate off when I know he's only joking' - how the fuck do you think we feel? We don't always know what is a joke, and even if we do, why should we have to put up with your misogyny and feel uncomfortable regardless of whether we say anything or not? It's not on us to tell you to stop making shitty sexist comments. Just don't fucking do it in the first place. It's 2025, misogyny should not be existing or being excused. End of.
All in favour, say hi!
