Being a woman has its pressures everywhere, mainly focused on our bodies. You're always either too fat or too thin, too sexy or not sexy enough. It seems to feel like we can never just be in between anything. In between jobs, relationships, you name it. Being a 28 year old woman in a long term relationship has brought on pressures, questions and concerns I didn't ever even think about. Now, I'm faced with all the baby, marriage and career questions and the pressure to have the correct answer is tiring and down right uncomfortable.
Old fashioned rules consisted of, dating, relationship, house, marriage, babies.. or something like that. To be honest, I don't know if it's how I was brought up, but I have always kind of wanted things to go in that order, not for the right reasons though probably. Meaning, it's not a NEED it's a choice, which we are so lucky to now have - I would have been the most terrible, lazy house wife ever. No, my reasons are just that I would love to have each chapter separate so it personally would feel more special, I think. Dating with no kids, first home with no kids, a wedding with no kids THEN kids. Maybe dogs first actually...
All these are just my preferences and that's what everyone should be allowed to have, without all the questions and concerns from people who have done things differently. I don't judge what others have done at which points in their life, so why does it seem okay for other people - especially other women - to be so judgemental and concerned that I'm a 28 year old woman in a long term relationship, unmarried and childless?
When I was younger, having a child was never a huge goal for me. Growing up and being with a man so amazing as mine, my mind has changed. It's still not the number one goal in my life where if I didn't have a child, that I'd be an unsuccessful woman - that is not the case and should be scrapped from whoever still thinks this. I do hope one day I am lucky enough to naturally give birth to one or two beautiful, healthy children. I would be upset if I had any issues with getting pregnant, of course I would. It terrifies me that a decision could be torn away from me just like that. I like to be in control of situations I'm in, if I don't have a child, I want that to be my decision, not my body's, as crazy as that sounds.
Being maternal is instilled into us from a young age, there are toy prams and babies for Christ sake. So, already from the age of 5, being a little girl you are playing 'mummies and daddies'. Yes, it's only a game and maybe I'm looking too much into these things but, I have always felt this pressure to be a certain way as a young girl/woman. It probably hasn't helped that my older sisters have always been quite maternal people. My sister will cry at anything related to our nephew, a photo of him, a present from him, you name it - she's crying. I remember one Christmas, my eldest sister had bought us a key ring engraved with 'to the best auntie' and me and my other sister were instructed to open them at the same time. All eyes on us both to see if we would get emotional.. My other sister, tears rightaway. Then the eyes went to me.. Yep, you guessed it, nothing. I smiled of course and said 'aw that's cute', I'm not completely heartless.
So, just from the scenario mentioned above; there was an immediate response from my other family members. 'Jodie's never been the emotional one, have you?' I understand this kind of comment, but it's not entirely true. Emotional doesn't just mean tears and anger. I do sometimes feel guilty if I don't give the correct response which people are expecting from me. Which I shouldn't, you shouldn't. We should all be authentically ourselves and if we don't feel like crying, smiling, laughing.. that is okay and no one should get offended by it.
It's the exact same situation when other women my age show me photos of their babies, I don't give the same reaction as other women that do have children. They say it'll be different with my own children, and I do believe that to be true, but right now - I'd honestly rather see 100 photos of your dogs doing nothing than a single video of your baby eating a carrot. No offence.
On a more serious note though, it does worry me being a 28 year old woman with no children and still not feeling quite ready to have one any time soon. I've always said I'd love to have a child at the age of around 31/32, subject to change of course. I mention this to people when they continuously ask me, 'When are you having kids then, you don't wanna leave it too late'. I am fully aware that the older you are as a woman, there could be more risks or difficulties involved. I would actually love to hear from other women my age if you feel like this too, or any women that can maybe reassure me, I should still be okay.
I'm starting to feel the pressure so much because I'm the 'perfect' age to have a child apparently, but I strongly believe you should only have kids when you are ready for them. Me and my partner are still quite immature in regards to being ready for a child. We still love our drinking and going out to different places whenever we can. I'm not saying life stops when you have children, of course it doesn't, but I want to give my future children 100% of me. I would never want to resent my child, whether that is a thing or not, I would love to know.
Overall, I just want to say, can we please stop asking women questions about their lifestyle decisions and when they're going to do certain things that are expected of them. You can be curious, of course you can but, don't be so judgemental if they don't give the answer you're wanting or expecting from them. This isn't the 1950s hun, women want different things now.
It doesn't make you a better woman if you have 4 kids at the age of 30, married with a giant house. You can be successful in anything that makes you happy. I've seen women that are single, live with their friends at age 30 and are thriving. I see others the same age, with 4 kids, just as happy. success has no rulebook. It's what you feel inside that matters, not those around you.
Also, can we just take a minute to not be so ignorant that there are some women unfortunately that cannot have children or that have sadly lost children or had miscarriages. You asking when are they having children isn't helping them at all and downright makes them feel uncomfortable. The women that just simply don't want to have children shouldn't need to explain themselves either. Let's just talk to women like they're human please and not that we're some magical specimen (ironic) that produces life and that's all that we were brought to this world to do, because we're not. We are an amazing species, yes, but we are all so much more than that too. All in favour, say hi!
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